If a Hot Dog is a Sandwich...

Then this might be the home of the most promising sandwich in the Albany area:

The Manifesto Returns

It's been awhile. After law school I moved to Burlington, where the best sandwich is undoubtedly the Red Onion sandwich from the aptly named Red Onion Cafe.

Four Corners of the Earth is another popular establishment in Burlington and it is run by a delightfully eccentric man who offers sandwiches reminiscent of cuisines from all corners of the earth. One such creation is the Jamaican Avocado sandwich, below.

I have now relocated to Albany, NY to be with my girlfriend. So far the best sandwiches we have found in Albany are from Cardona's. It's not easy to choose a favorite, and I haven't tried them all, but the Cardona's Club is definitely a winner.

With my brother living in NYC now, I am looking forward to going down there to sample the sandwiches at Torrisi's Parm, which boasts the best chicken parm and eggplant parm sandwiches in NYC.

If anyone has suggestions for sandwiches in the Albany area, we'd love to hear them. It is strange that the Jewish deli scene of NYC is seemingly nonexistent here in NY's capital city.

A Sandwich Story!

The Sandwich Movie from Sean Christensen on Vimeo.

McRib is Back!

The McRib® is the one sandwich that is so delicious, so special, so awesome that it instills a devotion like no other. It is a boneless slab of tenderness slathered with McD's own special barbecue sauce, then topped with crisp onions and pickles.




I've actually never even had one, but it looks so delicious, and the LA Times had an article that quoted LA Jews talking about how much they loved the processed pork patties. If that's not a sell, I don't know what is.

EDIT: I had one! To my disappointment, though, it was VERY reminiscent of a bulgogi burger smothered in American BBQ sauce. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not the epiphany-inducing culinary explosion I anticipated.

The Evolution of the Midwest's Most Intimidating Sandwich

From a Krispy Kreme bun



...to a burger with 15 patties

KFC: Pushing the Envelope

Notice that there is no bread on this. Sandwich? We say no.

Does Vermont Have Sandwiches?

There are plenty of grinders and hippie-dippie organic wraps and whatnot, but where oh where are the Jewish, Sicilian, and honest-to-goodness block rockin' sandwiches? We know this is our job, but sometimes we need some help from the laity. There's cornfields, dairy farms, married homosexuals and lots of potheads, but the sandwiches have eluded us.

Asia has gotten hold of the sandwich. and pizza. and pasta. and ice cream cones. and they don't know what to do with them.

With the economy in shambles and America's credibility diminishing more and more each day, we can find comfort in the fact that the momentum of the sandwich will keep us on the map. After two years of relentless searching, from Japan to Laos and back to the socialist state disguised as Vermont, we have done some serious research and discovered some amazing things.

Now to begin, we will turn to Seoul, where "fusion" food is ridiculously popular, churning out some diarrhea-inducing disasters as well as some peculiar creations that just might constitute a sandwich, and which definitely push the bounds of taste.

With no further ado... the pasta cone:





Whoa.

Eaten with hands, looks like a gyro or a burrito, not too messy, constitutes an entire meal.

For those of you who claim that a calzone is a sandwich, only to be outcast by the "but you eat it with utensils, it's messy, and it's fully enclosed" camp of what-is-a-sandwich enthusiasts, czech out the ultimate boundary-pusher. If I take the ingredients from a pizza and enclose them in a protective substance other than pizza dough, what are we left with?

The original product from this company was a cone filled with pasta, which we usually eat with a fork. But it's in a cone, which we usually eat with a dessert. The question for consideration here must be whether pasta can be the main ingredient in a sandwich. We here say, "why not," but for those of you who find this some sort of cop-out, please leave your comments for our experts' consideration.

Oh, The Stupidity

Having been in Korea for the past week, I have been relying on my sources back in the land of the Classical Sandwich to keep me informed of the latest happenings surrounding the age-old question. I have received numerous reports of a man in Massachusetts (where they call St. Louis Bread Company "Panera") attempting to silence the liberals with his racist allegations against the burrito. I have posted some bi-partisan commentary published on Yahoo! concerning this latest travesty in the space below:

Is a burrito a sandwich? The Panera Bread Co. bakery-and-cafe chain says yes. But a judge said no, ruling against Panera in its bid to prevent a Mexican restaurant from moving into the same shopping mall.

Panera has a clause in its lease that prevents the White City Shopping Center in Shrewsbury from renting to another sandwich shop. Panera tried to invoke that clause to stop the opening of an Qdoba Mexican Grill.

But Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Locke cited Webster's Dictionary as well as testimony from a chef and a former high-ranking federal agriculture official in ruling that Qdoba's burritos and other offerings are not sandwiches.

The difference, the judge ruled, comes down to two slices of bread versus one tortilla.

"A sandwich is not commonly understood to include burritos, tacos and quesadillas, which are typically made with a single tortilla and stuffed with a choice filling of meat, rice, and beans," Locke wrote in a decision released last week.

In court papers, Panera, a St. Louis-based chain of more than 900 cafes, argued for a broad definition of a sandwich, saying that a flour tortilla is bread and that a food product with bread and a filling is a sandwich.

Qdoba, owned by San Diego-based Jack in the Box Inc., called food experts to testify on its behalf.

Among them was Cambridge chef Chris Schlesinger, who said in an affidavit: "I know of no chef or culinary historian who would call a burrito a sandwich. Indeed, the notion would be absurd to any credible chef or culinary historian."

Who does this judge think he is? Why does Massachusetts have to keep ruining things for St. Louis?

Please, we're begging you to stop the racism. "The difference comes down to two slices of bread versus one tortilla"? Please, Judge Locke, refer to the football analogy on the bottom of the page. Congratulations: you are an embarrassment to us all.

Kobayashi Does it Again

We here at the Manifesto believe it is our duty to keep you informed about the latest feats in the world of the sandwich. It is our honor to announce that Kobayashi has eaten more burgers in 8 minutes than many of you will ever consume. Pickles were not allowed on the burgers, as they pose a choking hazard. Speaking of pickles, why is it that we serve pickles alongside sandwiches at so many restaurants?

We dare you to read about it.

Chicago Has Sandwiches

Due to recent boredom, the site has been updated with new links. I had a really good hot salami sandwich today. In Chicago, the quest for the best sandwich took me to Lucky's Sandwich Shop. French fries and cole slaw on all sandwiches. Some females complained of the untoasted bread, but I'm sure this could be arranged. Lucky's gets a nod, but the blue ribbon must be given to Bari Subs, located near Joe Stoltz and the crackhead who lives in the alley directly across the street from Joe's house. An informant told me of a sandwich called a jibarito, which uses plantains in place of bread. Sandwich or no sandwich? Discuss.

Breaking News: Stromboli NOT a Sandwich

ERM's post this morning:

a stromboli is NOT A sandwich.
more to come later.
now it is 7 in the morning and i am still studying for midterms. BUT this Mrs. Walt Jocketty whole-heartedly disagrees (Justin w.t.f...i thought we discussed this, and maybe the overly loose Chicago-ites have swayed you on the subject?)

A SANDWICH must be assembled from completely cooked/ baked ingredients prior to eating...no dough involved in the process post-assembly. if this is not true then EVERYTHING IS practically a sandwich...which is obviously untrue. this is the major critique of the Manifesto made by those classical sandwich lovers out there. lets not fuel THAT argument any further. so a stromboli is a sandwich?? then a pizza may also be a type of sandwich...as is..i dunno... chicken pot pies, pumpkin pie etc.

pahleeeeeze

My dearest ERM-- You are indeed correct. We did discuss these matters at length and it only makes sense that a stromboli not be included in any sandwich family. I thought I would open it up for discussion, but that would be ridiculous. Clearly sandwich and stromboli should not be allowed to play together on the playground. I can't actually say I've ever decided I'd eat a stromboli when I had a sandwich craving. A burrito though? That's another story. Walt Jocketty offers his sincerest apologies for his brief but rare lapse in judgment.

THE EVOLUTION OF THE SANDWICH

After lengthy discussions with others in our field of expertise, it has been determined that the introduction of an Evolutionary Model is in order if we are to clarify the different types of foods which qualify as sandwiches. At this moment in time, there exist at least four models of sandwiches. With the help of our blogger friend “Zombitron,” we have described these variations with exceptional clarity of mind, defining the four as follows:

Stage 1 of the Evolutionary Cycle:

Though we cannot confirm what type of sandwich the Earl of Sandwich preferred, we have been assured that the original sandwich was of the Classical variety: An edible substance surrounded by two pieces of bread, be it wheat, rye, white, sourdough, pumpernickel, garlic bread, etc. All around the Western world, people can be found eating ham and cheese sandwiches and others which could be classified under the Classical definition. The bathroom cleaner sandwich (Drano on white) would apply to the Classical model. To eliminate any confusion, we offer the following image of a Classical sandwich:



Stage 2 of the Evolutionary Cycle:

Earl inspired many regional variations of the sandwich, which have come to be known as the domestic models of sandwiches, including the French Dip, Po’ Boy, Philly Cheese Steak, Hot Dog, Hero, Submarine, Muffaletta, etc. According to those in Philly, a real Philly Cheese Steak cannot be found anywhere outside of Philly; likewise, though the hot dog was invented in St. Louis, those in Chicago would never praise a dog eaten outside of the Chicagoland Area. For the uninitiated of you, this is a hot dog (notice that no ketchup is present):



Stage 3 of the Evolutionary Cycle:

While us Americans were busy making variations of the classical model, many in foreign nations utilized their creativity in making purely original creations which, unbeknownst to them, may indeed be considered sandwiches, such as the burrito, the stromboli, and the gyro, to name a few. These free-thinking trendsetters don’t think twice about baking the entire sandwich (stromboli) or enclosing the ingredients entirely within a single piece of bread (burrito, gyro). While there is considerable disagreement concerning the status of the stromboli (pictured below) as a sandwich, due to the bread being dough at the time of the sandwich’s assembly, we feel confident including the stromboli in this category until you, the readers, stage a protest.



Stage 4 of the Evolutionary Cycle:

Finally, as if the boundaries hadn’t been pushed enough by our quesadilla-eating neighbors to the South, the improvisational sandwich has evolved to epic proportions, with people referring to s’mores and open-faced items as “sandwiches,” and even, according to some reports, eating Adderall burgers and Dorito sandwiches. While it has been argued that “air” may qualify as the top of the open-faced sandwich, it has not yet been determined whether an open-faced sandwich is indeed a sandwich; nor has the status of the “Dorito Sandwich” been verified by our research team. Furthermore, if a stromboli is a sandwich, and there exists such a thing as an open-faced sandwich, then is a pizza a sandwich? We need your help.

The Sandwich Manifesto: What is a Sandwich?

For: Switters and Tom Robbins and all who appreciate good, serious, and clean flapdoodle.

Because if there is a place where people go when they die, its proprietors have their hands full with the sandwich lovers.


We put forth the following rules as guidelines for determining exactly what it is that makes something a sandwich. Is a s’more a sandwich? Is a quesadilla a sandwich? These are the questions we are in a conquest to answer once and for all. The rules have been established as a result of many conversations with sandwich experts, and we would appreciate your expert opinion. These rules are subject to change to accommodate good suggestions.


There is no such thing as a typical sandwich. A sandwich can be many things and is defined as the sum of all its parts. There are no such things as mere similarities; all similarities have meaning and everything is mutable. This is the modernist’s view. Let’s apply it to the concept of the sandwich.

Historically speaking etc. etc., the category “sandwich” encompasses all enjoyably ingestible material (be it pita, bread, tortilla) that is symmetrically arranged around the inner ingredients. The unifying concept that gives this definition of a sandwich truth is symmetry. Symmetry, symmetry….

The inner ingredients vary from culture to culture. This is, however, not an argument about multi-culturalism. I will not allow THAT shoe to drop.

The sandwich is limited in size to that which can be handled SAFELY and feasibly eaten in one setting by a human not named Takeru Kobayashi. It should be able to serve as a meal and stand alone. Here we have managed to avoid the “then a ravioli is a sandwich” critique that has been proposed to weaken the argument.

The sandwich has tops, bottoms, and sides. The sandwich must be enclosed by the same substance on either two, three (e.g. a taco) or four (e.g. a wrap) of the sides. Otherwise you get the “The Open Faced Sandwich” or “Hot Pockets,” both of which violate the symmetry common to a true sandwich.

Sandwiches were invented by the Earl of Sandwich. Popcorn was invented by the Earl of Popcorn, and salad dressing by the Oil of Vinegar. The moon invented the tides of the ocean. The sun invented natural rhythms, but civilization uninvented (no, this is not a word) it.

We know those truths to be self-evident:


Having understood these basic premises,

Recognizing that we must set aside our love or hate of the sandwich, (which implies that we ourselves are sandwich lovers or haters) we must clear any bias in order to discover truth, Celebrating cures for cancer, nuclear bangs, killer bees, earthquakes in California that make LA fall into the ocean, UFOs on the White House Lawn, the failure of the dollar, the apocalypse and all sorts of general anarchy,



A brief history of this manifesto:

In the Deep of Time, in the month of December, in the year of our Lord 2003……..


A team of mad scientists set out to hear the opinions of the experts and the not-so-experts on the subject of the sandwich.


The data was obtained through high-tech, high-frequency, ultra radioactive, magnetically CLASSIFIED and where otherwise noted scientific techniques that have been a virtual black hole of government funding for the past twenty years. I hate to tell you this, but we have actually lost every single war we have been fighting during the past 20 years as well. Sad, but true. What did you expect when, as the poorest nation in the world, we have no money to spread our imperialist STD to the genitals of those “less fortunate than ourselves”( a.k.a those tied up, bent over, and handcuffed into more compromising positions than ourselves) when the U.S. should be binging on luxury, sitting back, and farting footballs at terrorists everywhere?


Anyways,


This research was undertaken by the use of what we scientists commonly call “AIM”.

We employed the ever-inspiring “away message” technique.

It began with a very poignant question.

More than a question, it was a philosophical quest!


What exactly is a sandwich???

A) two pieces of bread with some stuff in between

B) a wrap (think pita)

C) a burrito (think Mexican Sandwich)

D) two blue adderalls with an orange one in between (but wait that’s not a FOOD group….)


Correct Answer: all of the above


The scientific community responded in various ways that ultimately expressed every truth on the subject at hand:



xxxxxx: a sammich, spoken in silly terms (which are, sometimes, of the gravest importance) is ANYTHING in between two of ANYTHING ELSE of a similar appearance.

xxxxxx: a "sandwich", i suppose, must be food. or must be able to be ingested, be it through the esophogus or the larinx (whatever, either the food pipe or the breath pipe).


xxxxxx: oh, revision: the sillyness i spoke of earlier is usually if not always, of the gravest importance. and the two sides of the sammich may either be of similar appearance OR of similar substance.



xxxxxx: I believe that the two blue adderal with an orange one it between is just as nutritious as any other sandwhich.




xxxxxx: ok i wasn't going to respond, i didn't have any thoughts beyond what lyd already said (she told me some of it) but since i'm supposed to be doing a paper, my mind won't let the subject go. see i totally agree with the idea that a sandwich is two like things in substance with whatever in between. but there has to be some kind of limit imposed on this definition. if not, then the bookends on my shelf make a big vertical sandwich out of my books. and sandwiches can be vertical, i think. maybe a sandwich has to be something you can pick up with your hands, even if your arms have to be extended to their widest possible extension, like a ceiling high stack of bread and cheese, dagwood style. and if it's too big for hands, it's just a sandwich-like spectacle of ridiculousness, like enormous bread or people sandwiches. also, the two ends of the sandwich have to be substantial enough to contain the contents


xxxxxx: what i mean is, you can't have a piece of bread with peanut butter on both sides and say it's a sandwich just because there's the same substance enclosing a middle. the outer substance doesn't have enough substace to make it legitiamate sandwich outer material


xxxxxx: there ought to be technical terms we can discuss the sides and middle of a sandwich with, since it isnt always bread and meat. i won't take it upon myself to decide those terms, since i should get back to work soon i guess, but i propose, for purposes of discussion, that we refer to things as "sides and middle" "inner and outer" or "bread and meat" - of course, those are only a few possibilities . . . there has to be some consistent sandwich terminology though, you must agree


xxxxxx: i guess though, reviewing, i ought to properly respond to the original question. i don't agree that a wrap or a burrito is a sandwich. perhaps that's a very egocentric, WASPy way to view the situation, but i have to reject these other culture's attempts at sandwich greatness. they're nice on their own, but to call them a sandwich is to make a mockery of this fine institution which is defined by the "2 outies" model exeplified in the "slice of bread-slice of balony-slice of bread" formation


Is a football a type of ball used in football? YES, I think we would all agree. Is a birdee a type of ball used in badminton? YES, we would all agree. Do a football and a birdee share the exact same qualities? NO, it’s obvious. Do they share meaningful similarities? YES, they do. Do sandwiches, burritos, and wraps share similarities although different? YES! Are they all variations of the Classical sandwich? YES, they are. If you define a sandwich by only the “2-outies model” (which is fine if you do, but realize that is the Classical model), then by the same logical stem of flapdoodle a soccer ball is not a type of ball at all because it does not have a distinguishable “top and bottom” (as a football). However, a hockey puck (obviously not a ball) would be closer to a ball than a soccer ball because it too has the “top and bottom” qualities shared with the football.

xxxxxx: the adderall recipe though, is undoubtedly a sandwich, although the term can only be used metaphorically once you unstack them, as an oreo is no longer a sandwich once twisted apart, and even "bread-balony-bread" is no longer a sandwich if its fundamental order is in any way skewed



I can offer you one piece of good advice that applies to sandwiches (of course) and my life in general…


There are only two mantras,

Yum and Yuck.

Mine is Yum.


As Switters would say, “Send in the clowns.”